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Words of wisdom: The Happy cycle

Sure-win way for everyone to be Happy

Make yourself happy first.  And others will be. – Yip Pei Shan

I have had people confide in me saying they are desperately unhappy. I asked them, “What are the things that make you Happy?”  One of the most common answers was making their loved ones Happy.

The next thing I asked them was, “Are your loved ones Happy?”

Some said yes, some said no, some said maybe.

“Are you sure?” I pressed.

Most of them said no.  For those who said yes or maybe, they really want to believe their loved ones are Happy (whether or not they really are is another matter altogether).

The reason is that we are all unique beings.  How do we know what exactly is going on in the hearts and minds of others, especially our loved ones?  Moreover, the closer you are to the person, the more unsure you are of knowing whether are they really Happy.

One definite way of making your loved ones Happy is to be Happy yourself first.  When you are Happy, your loved ones will be Happy when they see you Happy.  Likewise, when you see your loved ones Happy, you will be Happier.  This builds into what I call “The Happy Cycle”.  The Happiness builds on the Happiness of your loved ones, creating a sustaining fuel for positive events, and a continuing buffer for negative events in your lives.

Now, you may think that this is very selfish of you to do – to  make yourself Happy first.  Herein, you need to have a mindset shift, because, if you make your loved ones Happy first, you are being very selfish.

I reiterate, if you make your loved ones Happy first, you are being very selfish.

How is this so?  When you make your loved ones Happy first, it is true and evident they will be Happy.  However, their Happiness will be short-lived if they truly love you.  They will gradually be unhappy for seemingly insignificant reasons, which would make you more perplexed and frustrated.  You do not understand how come your loved ones are unhappy, when you have placed their Happiness above yours.  After all, you have sacrificed your Happiness to make them Happy, right?

Nevertheless, there is something you have overlooked.  Your loved ones love you, and when they love you, they want YOU to be Happy.

When your loved ones love you, they want you to be Happy.

Happiness does not entail sacrifice in this sense.  The Happy cycle requires a win-win situation.  Your loved ones, and you, must be Happy.  It is like a bank account.  If your emotional bank account is in the negative, there is no way others around you can be Happy.  However, if your emotional bank account is overflowing with Happiness, you can give others a slice (or more) of your Happiness, and still be fulfilled to give more and more.

Do you have a positive emotional bank account?  Have it positive, and cash it in to build the Happy cycle in your lives.

November 11, 2010   No Comments