I just got onto Facebook yesterday and it was a phenomenal experience! Wow!

Now I know why people can get addicted to Facebook. It is a social networking tool that relies a lot on psychological principles.

It’s addictive because:

1. You know that there are people behind the screen who are clicking and moving their mouse for YOU.
2. They are doing this because they are THINKING of you.
3. If they are thinking of you, it means that they FEEL some sort of emotions for you, be it LIKE or LOVE or CURIOSITY or HATE, etc (I think hate will not come into the picture because you can ignore them)
4. This makes you feel LOVED, WANTED, NEEDED, IMPORTANT, VALUED, FAMOUS, ESTEEMED, which is vital for the emotive side of people.

Some other powerful uses of Facebook:

1. Get people to notice you in a more personal manner (may be bordering on narcissism, beware of this)
2. Another alternative method to keep in touch with people globally
3. Know more people
4. Know the RIGHT people
5. Know more people for a motive (eg. to market your services, market and look for career advanced opportunities, source for talent, share knowledge)
6. Have cyber-fun (I prefer face-to-face fun)

I use the word “know” loosely as it is really depends on how you want to “know” people.  Some questions to help define what you want from Facebook.

• What do you want to achieve from Facebook?
• How do you define “know” specifically?
• When do you say “no” to “know”?

I’m playing on the pun here, as I experienced firsthand the addiction of Facebook.  Get these questions answered, and you’re on your way to a great dose of Happiness and fun marketing!

P.S. Let’s have fun if you need help in solving what’s the “right” people for you to know.

My beloved friends,

Sharing Shan’s 3 gems to happy? Happy! was a joy!  For the first time ever, I will be speaking in China and sharing on Happiness Coaching and what it can do for you.  You will also find out what “Shanshine your sunshine!” means, and see and experience Coaching live in action!  Also, sign up for valuable packages at special prices just for you during this presentation.

I invite you to the third of my Specialty Speeches series in China. Details as follows:

• Title: Shanshine your sunshine!
• Venue: Zhongguancun Toastmasters, 4th Classroom, 20th Floor, Tower B, Tsinghua Science Park, Wudaokou, Haidian District, Beijing, China
• Date: 9 December 2008
• Time: 7-9pm

I look forward to seeing you there!

With love,
Pei Shan

Logic is governed by the left brain, and emotion, by the rightbrain (Damasio, Grabowski, Frank, Galaburda, & Damasio, 1994).  As both make up the entire human thinking, there is oftentimes conflicting interests – dilemmas, so to speak.

Logic and emotion play a pivotal role in decision-making.  I hear many people, and even myself, agonise over the many decisions we make in our lives.  How can we make the best decision?  What is the best?  How can we decide to decide?

Logic and emotion make great slaves, but not great masters.  This is my opinion on how we can make our best decisions.

There are three main categories of decisions, minor, intermediate and major.  These categories are based on the degree of time and how much the decisions impact our lives.  Minor decisions can range from a few minutes to a few days of impact.  Intermediate decisions range from a few days to a few months of impact, and major decisions range from a few months to a few years of impact, and even for your entire life.

For minor to intermediate decisions, both logic and emotion come into play.  However, when it comes to the crunch, logic is the over-riding factor.  For logical thinkers, this would be great for them.  For emotional thinkers, strict discipline is required on their part to enforce the logic breaking point.

Interestingly, for major decisions, such as what we want to do for the rest of our lives, our careers, the places we choose to live in, many people are torn between logic and emotion.  They are vexed to a greater degree, especially if they employ logic and emotion in making their minor and intermediate decisions.  If that is the case, how can we make the best major decision?

The best major decisions are made with emotion.

I reiterate, the best major decisions are made with emotion.

The reason?  We are gifted with two brains, left and right.  There is a reason for having left (logical) and right (emotional) brains.  Ponder on this.  If we were to be logical thinkers only, we would only be equipped with left brains.  On the other side, if we were to be emotional thinkers only, we would only be equipped with right brains.  The best part is, the two brains are divided into half, one on the left, one on the right.  This division suggests an equality of the two processes – logic and emotion.

The logic makes us intellectual, the emotion, makes us human.  Take away any of these two, we are not living anymore.  Making major decisions is living.  If we are living, and major decisions impact our lives in a big way, emotion is our helpful assistant.  Let us make our major decisions with emotion, and glorify our intellect with the human side of us.

Presented below is a summary of Logic or emotion.

Logic or emotion?

1. Minor

• Impact?  Few minutes to few days
• Breaking point? Logic

2. Intermediate

• Impact? a few days to a few months
• Breaking point? Logic

3. Major

• Impact? a few months to a few years of impact, entire life
• Breaking point? Emotion

References

Damasio, H ., Grabowski, T., Frank, R., Galaburda, A. M., & Damasio, A. R. (1994). The return of Phineas Gage: clues about the brain from the skull of a famous patient. Science, 264(5162), 1102-1105.

Tonight’s story will transport you into the realm of the sombre reality. From my first story, Shan’s sharing! The three sillies!, we explored the developing of a positive mindset. In MOMENTs in time, we will delve deeper into what it means by a MOMENT.

What does a MOMENT mean to you? How may we treasure each and every MOMENT?

I will reveal my version of MOMENT, to share with your loved ones.

This is a very special speech in memory of a dear friend, Ailing, who passed away on 22 August 2008. Ailing was one of the happiest and sweetest women I have ever known. She will always live in our hearts and memories.

I invite you to the second of my Stories-Alive! series in Singapore. Details as follows:

• Title: MOMENTs in time
• Venue: Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters, Braddell Heights Community Club, Singapore
• Date: 25 August 2008
• Time: 7-10pm

I look forward to seeing you there!

With love,
Pei Shan

This proverb was inspired by my conversation with Jack many evenings ago. We were on the subject that most people who joined Toastmasters loved to talk. I told Jack, “The most important thing about Toastmasters is listening.”

I had captured his entire attention. The reason being is that Toastmasters is a public speaking and leadership club.

I reiterated, “The most important thing about Toastmasters is listening, and not speaking.” I went on to explain my point,

“If there was no one to listen, no one would talk. We could probably continue a monologue, however, that would not be sustainable, as we love to have someone listen to us, pay attention to us.”

In today’s context, the value of being able to listen has increased exponentially. We can claim to be good listeners, however, how well do we listen? Listening is key to building and maintaining relationships, which influences the quality in living the meaningful life. Let us search for quality knowledge of our counterparts, let’s listen, and listen well!

I believe there is an abundance of knowledge and power, and ever increasing goodness as well. The crux lies in using our signature strengths, and in particular, how well we use our signature strengths. The flow diagram below details the stages of signature strengths.

1. Self-awareness of signature strengths concept

2. Identification of signature strengths

3. Application of signature strengths

4. Mastery of signature strengths

As seen in the flow diagram above, we can contribute to knowledge, power and goodness at any stage.  The only difference is that with using and mastering our signature strengths, compared with just being aware of and knowing our signature strengths, we can lead increasingly meaningful lives with the least effort expended and most happiness guaranteed.

What is the meaningful life in aid of?  The mindless augmenting and pursuit of knowledge?  The bottomless thirst for power?  The pious search and protests for goodness?

In these times of excess, the awareness for excellence is greater.  What is excellence?  Excellence is quality.  Quality knowledge and quality power.  This leads to another question.  What is quality?  Quality is governed by choice and goodness.  We have the choice to choose our knowledge and our power, and this choice is influenced by our definition of goodness.

In summary, a meaningful life contributes to the proliferation of knowledge, power and goodness.  A need for excellence, in terms of quality, is required to select the appropriate knowledge and power to lead a meaningful life spearheaded by what we call goodness.

References

Seligman, M. E. P. (2002). Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realise Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. New York: Simon & Schuster.

What is the secret to a meaningful life?

In essence, a meaningful life is employing your strengths in whatever you do, think or feel with the ultimate aim of advancing knowledge, power and goodness.

Knowledge.

Power.

Goodness.

Some of my ideas that sprouted up while listening to r&b music:

Knowledge, to do with health, wealth and relationships;

Power, to do with health, wealth and relationships;

Goodness, to do with the human conscience, spirituality and religion.

References

Seligman, M. E. P. (2002). Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realise Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. New York: Simon & Schuster.