Are you living your life?

Are you living your life – right now?

T.I. ft. Rihanna – Live Your Life

This is for the mathematician in us.  I was having a conversation some time back, and this idea on plus (+) and minus (-) came up.

Let’s take the plus as positive and a ‘yes’.  Likewise, the minus as negative, a ‘no’, ‘but’ - counter-intuitive to the plus.  In formula, it would look like this:

+ = positive, yes

- = negative, no, but

Placing these into the context of conversation, we have 3 interesting types of sentences derived with these surmisings.

The first is the ‘yes, and’ sentence.  In formula, it would look like this:

++=+ (yes, and)

For example, “Yes, that is an excellent way to go about that, and … ”

The second is the ‘yes, but’ sentence.  In formula, it would look like this:

+-=- (yes, but)

For instance, “Yes, that is an excellent way to go about that, but … ”

Lastly, the third is the ‘no, no, yes’ sentence.  In formula, it would look like this:

–=+ (no, no, eventually cancels out and becomes yes)

For illustration, “That is not a bad way to go about that.”

Yes, and … ++

I like the first sentence type best.  It is the most reinforcing and optimistic communication we should encourage in our daily interactions.  With mathematics, we can easily remember to be positive in our communications.  What comes out as words, goes through our hearts and minds first.

The second type of sentence, ‘yes, but’, is just, ‘yes, but’.  The ‘but’ negates all the good that came before that, making what you said redundant.  This is the most ineffective type of sentence to use, especially when you are trying to get your point across, make things work out smoothly or soothe hurt feelings.

The third type of sentence, ‘no, no, yes’ is a roundabout way of saying two negatives to make one positive.  It is far simpler and nicer to say it positively, rather than taxing your overworked brain cells on working out more ‘maths’ in your speech.

And, yes, and …

And, yes, use the ‘yes, and’ sentence more in your conversations with people.  Keep in mind ‘++=+” and you will see more amazing human flourishings automatically!

On the theme of resilience and tenacity, this came to mind.

Life is like bumper cars. You take a few knocks along the way, smile; life still goes on. – Yip Pei Shan

Resilience (n.d.) is defined as an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.  To quantify and qualify, the adversity quotient (AQ) is the science of human resilience.

Change is the only constant. - Heraclitus

This is one of my favourite quotes from this famous Greek Philosopher known for his change universal theory. Change and resilience are closely interwined.  Everyone experiences change on an intimate basis.  Change may be good, bad, or neutral.  It is a state of difference, not of constance.

Life is full of constant changes. We experience changes in life stages (transitioning from womb to tomb), social, emotional, mental, physical, and lifestyles.

There is one interesting experience I still remember to this day. I had been accepted into the study of my choice, Interactive Media Design, after vigorous screenings and interviews. Just by being in the prestigious and exclusive design course at that time would gain the respect and admiration of my peers in other faculties. Of course, we did not have a lot of time to bask in our glorified status in school. We had 10-20 projects to complete each week, comprising painting, drawing, photography, typography, social communication skills, copywriting, animation, electronic media, videography, etc. We would be in and out of school looking for locations to film, shoot, paint or draw in various mediums. Inspirational blocks came often, and we were always frustrated when that came. Somehow, I still found time to pursue my love of music and helping friends in other design courses.

We had the liberty to be cool, as long as we completed our projects well and on time. Presentations were a dime a dozen. I enjoyed photography, with funny memories of being cloistered in a tiny dark room with lots of other friends, and one of them letting out gas from the rear. In the midst of developing our photos, I had cut my thumb without even realising it as we were rushing to get our projects done. Only when my friend discovered in the well-lit area, did we realise it was bleeding profusely. All our photos had blood on them. It was indeed blood, sweat and tears.

Everything was going well. I was busy and happy. However, after we had chosen our specialisations, my grades started going downhill.  I had chosen the wrong specialisation.  Friendships soured from a clash of personalities and the intense constant pressure. The time for presenting our major projects arrived. Our presentations were a nice term for harsh criticism, where you either excelled or failed. Needless to say, I failed all.

I was kicked out of my course, with all my dreams of being a great designer dashed. It was a depressing time in my life, taking me a whole twelve months to get my act together again. I enrolled in another course of my choice, determined to excel in all aspects.

What happened in my second attempt at study? I found the best friends in my life, keeping them close to me up to now. Academically, I was in the top 5% in my large cohort; the cream of the crop. I gained exceptional life skills which I still keep to this day – a great focus, an iron will and discipline, a courage to weather all adversities, excellent time management and prioritising, emotional management, leadership skills, and dealing with people from all walks of life. My beloved class mentor said that I needed to contribute to my school in other ways, not just academically. I took on volunteer roles, leadership positions, and various other activities. Being a class leader, leader of several project and presentation groups, all added to the rubrics of study life. I even had a scholarship to study and do my practical in an Ivy League university, along with 2 others out of a cohort of 600 students.

Resilience is part of my character make-up. To bounce back from change, is something that we need to take in our stride. The pleasure of living is in the process, not the result. One more thing that is vital for living is tenacity. Tenacity is to hold fast. Hold fast to the pillars in your life, such as your morals, values, principles, and loved ones.

I almost lost hold of my pillars in my life when I was kicked out of my course. Do not let this happen to you. When you feel down, always look up! The sun will always rise. When there is life, there is hope. Let’s enjoy our life rollercoaster to the fullest!

References

Resilience. (n.d.). Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary. Retrieved June 02, 2009, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.classic.reference.com/browse/resilience

One of the philosophies I’ve had in life is that change is the only constant.  This proverb was inspired with the influx of changes this month – competing in speech contests, my birthday celebrations, the passing away of a friend, etc.

It brings to the fore the fragility of life.  Have you done and said the things that matter most to you?

Remember this proverb I created in March this  year?  I have been noticing so many beautiful smiles, I am going to make it a point to compliment the Shanshine Smilers in Singapore!

I’m going to get hold of Aishah’s shanshiney smile to light up the hearts of many more!

I was bowled over by Chin Hong, another Shanshine Smiler this evening at Bakerzin, United Square.  Impeccable service with a sweet and sincere disposition, Chin Hong has been with Bakerzin for two weeks.  An Electrical and Electronic Engineering student from the Singapore Polytechnic, this is his second part-time job, with his first part-time job at a furniture outlet at Sungei Road Gardens during the weekends.

I salute you, Chin Hong, Mr. sweet sincere smile!

PS.  More Shanshine Smilers here!

Tonight’s story will transport you into the realm of the sombre reality. From my first story, Shan’s sharing! The three sillies!, we explored the developing of a positive mindset. In MOMENTs in time, we will delve deeper into what it means by a MOMENT.

What does a MOMENT mean to you? How may we treasure each and every MOMENT?

I will reveal my version of MOMENT, to share with your loved ones.

This is a very special speech in memory of a dear friend, Ailing, who passed away on 22 August 2008. Ailing was one of the happiest and sweetest women I have ever known. She will always live in our hearts and memories.

I invite you to the second of my Stories-Alive! series in Singapore. Details as follows:

• Title: MOMENTs in time
• Venue: Braddell Heights Advanced Toastmasters, Braddell Heights Community Club, Singapore
• Date: 25 August 2008
• Time: 7-10pm

I look forward to seeing you there!

With love,
Pei Shan

Shanshine your sunshine! was a shanshining hit!!! The little shanshiney gift was received with big smiles all round and displayed carefully on areas close to our hearts! i love the energy derived from my wonderfully receptive audience! Thank you!!!

In the last of my free Positive Psychology series, I will unveil what SHAN stands for in my speech entitled SHAN, no matter what… I will also share the reason for my healthy appetite and inspire you to live happily and healthily!

I invite you to the finale of my Positive Psychology series this evening in Singapore. Details as follows:

• Topic: SHAN, no matter what…
• Venue: Whampoa Toastmasters, Whampoa Community Club, 300 Whampoa Drive, Singapore
• Date: 21 May 2008
• Time: 7-10pm

I look forward to seeing you there!

With love,
Pei Shan

After several terrific talks and a long absence from speaking due to a nasty flu, I am back with a vengeance!

In my eighth and ninth speeches entitled Shanshine your sunshine!, I will introduce the concept of shanshining, what sunshine is in relation to happiness, and why Happiness Coaching is great for you! A little shanshiney gift will be given at the end of the session!

I invite you to the eighth and ninth of my Positive Psychology series in Singapore presented on two days. Details as follows:

• Topic: Shanshine your sunshine!

• Venue: ITMA Toastmasters, NUSS Suntec City Guild House, Suntec City Mall 05-001, Singapore
• Date: 16 May 2008
• Time: 7-10pm

• Venue: NTU Alumni and West Coast Toastmasters, NTU Alumni Club, Level 9, 11 Slim Barracks Rise, Singapore
• Date: 17 May 2008
• Time: 2-5pm

I look forward to seeing you there!

With love,
Pei Shan

A few weeks back, I remembered having a burning curiosity about the timing gadget used in a meeting.  I got so engaged in finding out about this marvellous gadget, how the buttons worked, what made up the lights; I started leaning forward and nearly fell off my chair while doing it.  Sylvester, the gadget operator, was eyeing me in silent mirth.

At this point in time, I am experimenting writing this in a public setting.  Distractions of all natures arouses my curiosity.  What I am doing is to have a change in environment, to ignite a different perspective in doing things.

Curiosity opens up many more doors than you think.  It broadens your perspective and gives life a playful and refreshing slant.  A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, why not learn more?

Shanshine’s M&Ms of playfulness was unanimously an award-winning inspirational! In my next talk on Shanshine’s ka-ching! and Ha ha ha!!!, ka-ching! is the sound of money, and Ha ha ha!!!, the sound of happiness! In this affluent consumer age, is money really the ultimate determinant of happiness? Can we create happiness with or without money? I will address these questions and share the secret of having BOTH money and happiness!

I invite you to the seventh of my Positive Psychology series tomorrow afternoon in Singapore. Details as follows:

• Topic: Shanshine’s ka-ching! and Ha ha ha!!!
• Venue: Grassroots Toastmasters Club, Grassroots Club, Singapore
• Date: 3 May 2008
• Time: 2-5pm

I look forward to seeing you there!

With love,
Pei Shan