Happy is the person who distils the essence and takes what they need from the vast sea of knowledge. - Yip Pei Shan

I attended a video viewing yesterday of a spiritual conference that was held about a month ago in Minneapolis.

Here are some of my thoughts on the nuggets of wisdom shared during the conference.

1. The overriding theme was ‘All in good time’.  My understanding here is a good time is different for everyone of us.  What’s a good time for you may not be a good time for another, and vice versa.  A good time here is referring to our thoughts and actions leading to various consequences of our choice.  Simply put, a cause-and-effect phenomenon.  You reap what you sow.
2. Playing with the word ‘good’, we can come up with the word ‘God’ by omitting an “o”.  Now I see how ‘God is Good’ sounds and looks so good.
3. Fill our hearts and minds with love and gratefulness to the brim.  Leave no room for negativities and escape the sea of toxins, which kill the sweet goodness in our lives.
4. The voice and light of God sustains the melody of life.

I see some positive attributes appearing here – spirituality lends strength to people, love, responsibility, and gratitude.  Wonderful!

I was looking at how people learn something new.  They encounter many failures before they taste sweet success.  One thing in common with them is they master how to fail, and more importantly, to bounce back up.  Do you?

This is for the mathematician in us.  I was having a conversation some time back, and this idea on plus (+) and minus (-) came up.

Let’s take the plus as positive and a ‘yes’.  Likewise, the minus as negative, a ‘no’, ‘but’ - counter-intuitive to the plus.  In formula, it would look like this:

+ = positive, yes

- = negative, no, but

Placing these into the context of conversation, we have 3 interesting types of sentences derived with these surmisings.

The first is the ‘yes, and’ sentence.  In formula, it would look like this:

++=+ (yes, and)

For example, “Yes, that is an excellent way to go about that, and … ”

The second is the ‘yes, but’ sentence.  In formula, it would look like this:

+-=- (yes, but)

For instance, “Yes, that is an excellent way to go about that, but … ”

Lastly, the third is the ‘no, no, yes’ sentence.  In formula, it would look like this:

–=+ (no, no, eventually cancels out and becomes yes)

For illustration, “That is not a bad way to go about that.”

Yes, and … ++

I like the first sentence type best.  It is the most reinforcing and optimistic communication we should encourage in our daily interactions.  With mathematics, we can easily remember to be positive in our communications.  What comes out as words, goes through our hearts and minds first.

The second type of sentence, ‘yes, but’, is just, ‘yes, but’.  The ‘but’ negates all the good that came before that, making what you said redundant.  This is the most ineffective type of sentence to use, especially when you are trying to get your point across, make things work out smoothly or soothe hurt feelings.

The third type of sentence, ‘no, no, yes’ is a roundabout way of saying two negatives to make one positive.  It is far simpler and nicer to say it positively, rather than taxing your overworked brain cells on working out more ‘maths’ in your speech.

And, yes, and …

And, yes, use the ‘yes, and’ sentence more in your conversations with people.  Keep in mind ‘++=+” and you will see more amazing human flourishings automatically!

My top five signature strengths now in 2010 are:

1. Curiosity [Wisdom and Knowledge]
2. Love [Humanity]
3. Appreciation of beauty and excellence [Transcendence]
4. Creativity [Wisdom and Knowledge]
5. Perspective [Wisdom and Knowledge]

Compared with my top five signature strengths two years ago:

1. Creativity, ingenuity, and originality [Wisdom and Knowledge]
2. Curiosity and interest in the world [Wisdom and Knowledge]
3. Appreciation of beauty and excellence [Transcendence]
4. Capacity to love and be loved [Humanity]
5. Leadership [Justice]

My comments:

Apparently, my survey results are categorised in the 76% who have 3 or more strengths in common in their top 5 between the first and second test taking, with curiosity, love, appreciation of beauty and excellence, and creativity coming up tops (VIA Institute on Character, 2009).  Also, the results display 2 of the 5 most common strengths, curiosity and love, in which 92.5% have as one of their top 5 strengths (VIA Institute on Character, 2009).

As to date, the VIA survey has adequate test-retest reliability (>.7) and moderate psychometric and predictive validity (rs = .5) (Peterson, 2010), evident in my own personal assessment with the VIA survey.

I found it interesting that my personal taking of the VIA dropped from 4 to 3 Virtue categories, with a slightly more pronounced bias on the Wisdom and Knowledge Virtue category.  Nevertheless, Leadership is not too far down the list, and has been superseded by Perspective.

On deeper hindsight, this particular blend of strengths reflect the development of my character in these 2 years.  I have always been curious, and even more so now with the more people and situations I encounter.  The more I encounter and empathise with, the higher the priority I place on my loved ones and my values and principles.  With the passing of time and experiences of life, I appreciate the simplest beauty and excellence of my environment, the people and things around me and within my knowledge.  Creativity has been synonymous with me, and it serves to spice up life not only in the ‘conventional’ creative ways, but now oozing in ‘unconventional’ words, thoughts and actions.  Perspective is the new kid on the block on my list of top 5.  I reckon I had a steep learning curve and radical transformation in these 2 years that led to this strength being developed earlier than most people.  To be taken with a pinch of salt, my VIA results are in the top 3% of the test-takers, adjusted against gender and educational background.  This is to be cautiously interpreted as the VIA is still a self-assessment, and may be subjected to individual bias or mis-representation.  On the funny side, I am as wise as an ancient, white-haired guru, looking as young as a teenager, as beautiful as a celebrity, with a superbly curious bent, oozing and breathing love and creativity, and with my head always angled up and drinking in the beauty and excellence of the skies and nature!  I wonder what to make of this description!

Do you want to get acquainted with your signature strengths?  Take the VIA Survey, and let me interpret it for you.  Remember, I am curious to know you, and love to know that you are living fully with your strengths – every day, all the time.

References

Peterson, C., 2010. VIA Survey Psychometric Data. In VIA intensive: Strengths – Character strengths and virtues in practice.

VIA intensive: Strengths – Character strengths and virtues in practice.

Some interesting things to note:

The VIA used to stand for “Values In Action”, however, it now simply represents  the literal meaning of VIA – “the way”.  It is the way to Happiness, via our strengths.

No changes in the strengths’ names, however, there is a growing amount of positive literature and research conducted on these over the 2 years.

2009

Wisdom and Knowledge

1. Creativity
2. Curiosity
3. Judgment & Open-Mindedness
4. Love of Learning
5. Perspective

Courage

1. Bravery
2. Perseverance
3. Honesty
4. Zest

Humanity

1. Capacity to Love and Be Loved
2. Kindness
3. Social Intelligence

Justice

1. Teamwork
2. Fairness
3. Leadership

Temperance

1. Forgiveness and Mercy
2. Modesty and Humility
3. Prudence
4. Self-Regulation

Transcendence

1. Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence
2. Gratitude
3. Hope
4. Humour
5. Religiousness and Spirituality

2010

1. Wisdom and Knowledge

• Creativity
• Curiosity
• Judgment & Open-Mindedness
• Love of Learning
• Perspective

2. Courage

• Bravery
• Perseverance
• Honesty
• Zest

3. Humanity

• Capacity to Love and Be Loved
• Kindness
• Social Intelligence

4. Justice

• Teamwork
• Fairness
• Leadership

5. Temperance

• Forgiveness & Mercy
• Modesty & Humility
• Prudence
• Self-Regulation

6. Transcendence

• Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence
• Gratitude
• Hope
• Humor
• Religiousness & Spirituality

Make yourself happy first.  And others will be. – Yip Pei Shan

I have had people confide in me saying they are desperately unhappy. I asked them, “What are the things that make you Happy?”  One of the most common answers was making their loved ones Happy.

The next thing I asked them was, “Are your loved ones Happy?”

Some said yes, some said no, some said maybe.

“Are you sure?” I pressed.

Most of them said no.  For those who said yes or maybe, they really want to believe their loved ones are Happy (whether or not they really are is another matter altogether).

The reason is that we are all unique beings.  How do we know what exactly is going on in the hearts and minds of others, especially our loved ones?  Moreover, the closer you are to the person, the more unsure you are of knowing whether are they really Happy.

One definite way of making your loved ones Happy is to be Happy yourself first.  When you are Happy, your loved ones will be Happy when they see you Happy.  Likewise, when you see your loved ones Happy, you will be Happier.  This builds into what I call “The Happy Cycle”.  The Happiness builds on the Happiness of your loved ones, creating a sustaining fuel for positive events, and a continuing buffer for negative events in your lives.

Now, you may think that this is very selfish of you to do – to  make yourself Happy first.  Herein, you need to have a mindset shift, because, if you make your loved ones Happy first, you are being very selfish.

I reiterate, if you make your loved ones Happy first, you are being very selfish.

How is this so?  When you make your loved ones Happy first, it is true and evident they will be Happy.  However, their Happiness will be short-lived if they truly love you.  They will gradually be unhappy for seemingly insignificant reasons, which would make you more perplexed and frustrated.  You do not understand how come your loved ones are unhappy, when you have placed their Happiness above yours.  After all, you have sacrificed your Happiness to make them Happy, right?

Nevertheless, there is something you have overlooked.  Your loved ones love you, and when they love you, they want YOU to be Happy.

When your loved ones love you, they want you to be Happy.

Happiness does not entail sacrifice in this sense.  The Happy cycle requires a win-win situation.  Your loved ones, and you, must be Happy.  It is like a bank account.  If your emotional bank account is in the negative, there is no way others around you can be Happy.  However, if your emotional bank account is overflowing with Happiness, you can give others a slice (or more) of your Happiness, and still be fulfilled to give more and more.

Do you have a positive emotional bank account?  Have it positive, and cash it in to build the Happy cycle in your lives.

Relax and invigorate your hearts and minds with Ms Shanshine, as she reveals secrets on Winning over burnout!

• What is the essence of Winning over burnout?
• What are the four secrets to Winning over burnout?

Challenge yourselves with Shan lighting up your neural circuits to create your own personalised strategies in Winning over burnout!

Details as follows:

Venue: Nanyang Polytechnic, School of Health Sciences, Nursing Alumni Association, Lecture Theatre, 180 Ang Mo Kio Avenue, Singapore
Date: 25 November 2009
Time: 6-8pm

With love,
Shanshine

On the theme of resilience and tenacity, this came to mind.

Life is like bumper cars. You take a few knocks along the way, smile; life still goes on. – Yip Pei Shan

Resilience (n.d.) is defined as an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.  To quantify and qualify, the adversity quotient (AQ) is the science of human resilience.

Change is the only constant. - Heraclitus

This is one of my favourite quotes from this famous Greek Philosopher known for his change universal theory. Change and resilience are closely interwined.  Everyone experiences change on an intimate basis.  Change may be good, bad, or neutral.  It is a state of difference, not of constance.

Life is full of constant changes. We experience changes in life stages (transitioning from womb to tomb), social, emotional, mental, physical, and lifestyles.

There is one interesting experience I still remember to this day. I had been accepted into the study of my choice, Interactive Media Design, after vigorous screenings and interviews. Just by being in the prestigious and exclusive design course at that time would gain the respect and admiration of my peers in other faculties. Of course, we did not have a lot of time to bask in our glorified status in school. We had 10-20 projects to complete each week, comprising painting, drawing, photography, typography, social communication skills, copywriting, animation, electronic media, videography, etc. We would be in and out of school looking for locations to film, shoot, paint or draw in various mediums. Inspirational blocks came often, and we were always frustrated when that came. Somehow, I still found time to pursue my love of music and helping friends in other design courses.

We had the liberty to be cool, as long as we completed our projects well and on time. Presentations were a dime a dozen. I enjoyed photography, with funny memories of being cloistered in a tiny dark room with lots of other friends, and one of them letting out gas from the rear. In the midst of developing our photos, I had cut my thumb without even realising it as we were rushing to get our projects done. Only when my friend discovered in the well-lit area, did we realise it was bleeding profusely. All our photos had blood on them. It was indeed blood, sweat and tears.

Everything was going well. I was busy and happy. However, after we had chosen our specialisations, my grades started going downhill.  I had chosen the wrong specialisation.  Friendships soured from a clash of personalities and the intense constant pressure. The time for presenting our major projects arrived. Our presentations were a nice term for harsh criticism, where you either excelled or failed. Needless to say, I failed all.

I was kicked out of my course, with all my dreams of being a great designer dashed. It was a depressing time in my life, taking me a whole twelve months to get my act together again. I enrolled in another course of my choice, determined to excel in all aspects.

What happened in my second attempt at study? I found the best friends in my life, keeping them close to me up to now. Academically, I was in the top 5% in my large cohort; the cream of the crop. I gained exceptional life skills which I still keep to this day – a great focus, an iron will and discipline, a courage to weather all adversities, excellent time management and prioritising, emotional management, leadership skills, and dealing with people from all walks of life. My beloved class mentor said that I needed to contribute to my school in other ways, not just academically. I took on volunteer roles, leadership positions, and various other activities. Being a class leader, leader of several project and presentation groups, all added to the rubrics of study life. I even had a scholarship to study and do my practical in an Ivy League university, along with 2 others out of a cohort of 600 students.

Resilience is part of my character make-up. To bounce back from change, is something that we need to take in our stride. The pleasure of living is in the process, not the result. One more thing that is vital for living is tenacity. Tenacity is to hold fast. Hold fast to the pillars in your life, such as your morals, values, principles, and loved ones.

I almost lost hold of my pillars in my life when I was kicked out of my course. Do not let this happen to you. When you feel down, always look up! The sun will always rise. When there is life, there is hope. Let’s enjoy our life rollercoaster to the fullest!

References

Resilience. (n.d.). Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary. Retrieved June 02, 2009, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.classic.reference.com/browse/resilience

I took part in the International Speeches and Table Topics Contest and won the International Speeches Contest!!!

Jubilations!!!  I literally jumped and was on a high ever since!

I’ll like to thank all my wonderful and encouraging supporters, especially to Hua and Gary!!!  Thank you for your physical presence, which gave me added strength and charisma!  Thank you for your uplifting words of encouragement which gave me added motivation to speak better and better!  Without all of you, I would not be where I am today.

Without listeners, there would be no speakers – Yip Pei Shan

Remember my message.  Trophies will fade, but the message I share with you, I want it to be imprinted in your hearts and gain inspiration when you need it.  You are never alone!

A big thank you to my mentors, friends, Shun, mum, who have guided me in their own special ways. Thank you! Last but not least, to my late Grandfather, my inspiration and icon who lives in the hearts of everyone who loves him, this is for YOU!

Congratulations’ wishes from some loved ones

“When you take part, it’s a walkover.  The others are just wasting their time!  Congratulations!” Grace Soo

“Congratulations!  Excellent speech!”  Yong Jinhua

“You did great today …!  And again, congrats on your first winning with more first prizes to come! …” Gary Loy

“You won?  Congratulations!  I knew you are the best!” Anita Yip

“Congrats, well done champ..:)” Sylvester Dorai

“Well done …” Gea Ban Peng

“Wow!  Congratulations!” Brennan Khor

“Congratulations Peishan!  Your passion on making people happy through your speeches and life outlook is overwhelming.  Keep it up!” Christine Gonzales and Marco Rubi-Cruz

“Congrats!:)” Azizah Sapari

“Nice!  Congrats! …” Darren Lim

“Wow!  Congrats!  That’s good news! … Can’t wait to see you speak again!  Wish you all the best and hope you can make it to the international level!” He Huang Xin

“Congrats!” Lim Hock Ming

“Congrats!” Au Ji Yin

“Congratulations.  Wow.  All the best … you will do just great.  Keep it up!” Michael Chang

“Congrats.” Samsudin

“Wow.  Congratulations:D  Must celebrate …!” Serena Lim

“Wow congrats! …” Kong Xieheng

“Congrats.” Jerlynn Ang

“Congratulations!  You are great:D” Nicole Tuo

“Wow that’s great! Congratulations:) …” Divya Shankar

“Congrats Peishan I’m really happy for you… I’m inspired by you:)” Kiranjeet Kaur

“Congrats!” Koh Chi Wei

“Hey Peishan, congrats …”  Brian Wong Jia Jie

“Congrats(:  Will look forward to hearing your speech once again…” Sally Tan

“Congratulations:)  Shan!  You can be international champion!  Keep it up! …” Lwin

“Congratulations my shining friend!  Keep reaching for the stars!” Dexter David

“Oh great. Congratulations…” Gopal Srinivasan

“Hey, well done!…” Byron Nifakis

“… Congrats …” Sng Yao Le

“1st place?  Congrats:)” Gerald Ong

“Congrats!  Well done! …” Wekie Tay

“Congratulations to you.  Keep up the good work…” Jenny Au

“Congrats!  You certainly are an inspiration to us…” Alvin Ong

“Well done!  I know you can do it! …” Bai Jinshun

“Congratulations!:D” Weng

“Ha ha I am sure no one is your match because you are the best…” Tavis Tan

“Well done, I’m up there flying with you! No idea what it is but I’m sure you were fabulous … Well done Shan, you are still an inspiration to me.” Felicity Picken

“Congrats… So happy for ya. …” Jessica Tang

“Congratulations” Willy Wong

“Congrats!” Evelyn Goh

“Congrats! Hip! Hip! Hooray!” Jean Lee

“Hi Shanshine, that’s absolutely great! Expected nothing less from you.Just fly…..” Klaus Nienhaus

“Congratulations!” Patricia Tan

“That’s great, congratulations dear!” Wenjing

“Congratulations Pei Shan! Am so glad for you” Antonia Beetsma

“Well done, Ringlets, you deserve it!” John Bittleston

“What a marvellous success! Congratulations!” Cathy Chen

“Congrats! You are a good + clever girl… Cheers…” Jessie Lee

“Congratulations. …” Edmund Chew

“Congratulations!! This feeling of winning is always great.” Ang Chew Hoe

“Congrats!” Daphne Loo

“Well done Pei Shan. I shall have to come and watch your next performance.” Dennis Heath

“Wow. that’s great. Congrats…..” Fredy Siloy

“Wow you have won!  Congrats..” Emeline Koh

“Congratulations Shan! May the Sun Shine on you Shanshine!” Coen Tan

“Well done! *pats*” Alvin Ho

“Congrats.. It’s a nice feeling to be a champ …” Sylvia Ang

“Wow! Congratulations! =D” Joanne Ng

“Shan, Congrats ~ Congrats ~ on your winning of the international speeches contest )
Am sure you will do even better as time goes by..:)) :p” Yu Long

“… congratulations on your victory! I KNEW you could do it!
Keep reaching for the top, and know that I’m pulling for you, ALL THE WAY!!” Ed Hearn

“You must be really good to win that…keep it up.  Congratulations… wish you [the] very best and I believe you can…cheers” Serena Lim

Due to several requests, I will oblige by restating the popular Shan’s MOMENTs’ acronym.  This is tracked back to Free Stories-Alive! series: MOMENTs in time (Most Touching Story!).

What does MOMENT mean to me?

M: Be the MASTER of your life.

O: Be OPEN to the full spectrum of emotions, thoughts and experiences you feel.

M: Make every MOMENT count.

E: ENJOY each emotion, thought and experience.

N: Just do it NOW!

T: TELL one person one reason for loving them each day.

I was sharing with Alex yesterday, money can be earned back, but time cannot be earned back.  Once the MOMENT in time is gone, it is gone.  Savour each MOMENT, Master your life, be Open, Enjoy, just do it NOW, Tell someone one reason you love them.

I am listening to Gregorian’s Once In A Lifetime, wind rustling in my hair, experiencing complete contentment and peace in MY MOMENT.  What are you doing in your MOMENT NOW?